8th March, International Women’s Day… celebrated with much gusto and pomp. A variety of discounts and offers were provided by various stores, salons and restaurants to celebrate this day. But was it really to celebrate or to hike business? Well, every business is run for a profit so what’s the harm? None, but what does the true meaning of a Women’s Day hold - respect to the fairer sex or just another day in the list of international days being held across the year?
In India
Take the most recent case (which incidentally occurred on Mar 8 too) of Nidhi Gupta. A well educated, qualified, urban woman shocked the nation by throwing her two children and herself from the 19th floor of their high rise apartment. Why? Because she was being mentally and emotionally tortured by her in laws? Some might say, the media reports all the juicy news to gain publicity… Agreed but if that was the case, why did the husband and the rest of the family need to flee? With the exception of the husband and sister in law, why aren’t the rest of them still found and questioned by the police yet?
Coming back to the incident, I was taken aback when I read the morning papers, the first thought that came to my mind, was how could a mother have a heart to kill her own children? And then came the thought, under what stress must she be in to be able to take such a step?
Since that day, I have been following the developments in the newspaper. Just today, her father has admitted that they were aware of her unhappy marriage but brushed aside her usual talks owing it to typical marital problems. Had they been more attentive to her issues, maybe she’d be alive today.
Why wasn’t she taken seriously? Is it because married Indian women are expected to bear all kinds of mental, emotional and physical torture to ensure their marriage stays intact, or for the security of their children?
Why do well educated women still believe they need their man to provide for them and their kids?
And then a statement by the head of the community that she belongs to – this is a community matter and we will try to resole it within the community.
What community matter? This isn’t surely a community matter… this is a national matter.
What comes to my mind at this point is that, dowry harassment, ill treatment by in laws used to be thought as a social evil within the illiterate, backward or rural class. But slowly, we are being made to realize that this also prevails in the urban, upper class society.
I would think if she was educated and modern, shouldn’t she have just walked out of the marriage with her two kids in tow? Then again, being the essential Indian woman that she was, she refused to let her parents get involved or raise her voice to the injustice being done to her.
This incident raises a thousand questions but no answer.
Why are we Indian women expected to bear the brunt? Why are daughter in laws expected to please their families all their lives with hardly anyone bothering to worry about their well being?
Why do we have to put our husband’s family first?
Why do we keep up with an unhappy marriage and are hesitant to involve or go back to our parents if we cannot bear the torture?
Why can’t we independently take a decision? Whether it is for the house, for the kids, for the family or for the family finances?
I do agree that not all households have this issue. There are some families where daughters and daughters in law are treated with equal respect and admiration. But deep down, what is expected of a daughter in law is never expected of a daughter.
Nidhi’s sister perhaps sums it up completely saying ‘Because she was well-behaved and never complained, trying to deal with all her problems herself, her in-laws took her for granted. They thought she would never retaliate.”
This sadly is the case of most Indian women. We have been brought up that way. Suffer in silence.
